Doldrums

The doldrums of life
Always filling the heart
suffocating the emotional being
lack of choices, thrown into dilemma
cannot escape, peripheral vision is encroached with darkness

What is the peace to seek
Where is it
What does it feel like to be free?

The pain resonates with the pulse
it never leaves, only arising like the tides
Like piercing cold waves hitting the heart

Maybe i‘ve totally lost it
lost the mind, the identity
the way to be free
to be sane and normal like (everyone) else
A train wreck that went off the rails in a long stretch of barren desert
without a single wind to mark its existence

But then again, the existence doesn’t matter, it will not in time’s clutches

i just seek/wish for an exit, an escape from this pit, the abyss with no light
any ways would be fine, even if it means to no longer exist in this physical cage

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Motion Picture Soundtrack

Sometimes the world feels staged,

Like in a theater 

Where we i am the actor

and the onlooker,

The observer who participates

and the actor that spectates.

The everyday cycle

Normally mundane

Yet fast-paced

With the occasional thrill,

The predictable plot,

and the bland sourness and confusion.

Feels like a dream in a dream,

An unreal loop

in itself.

The constant questioning feels

Like a character

Realizing his existence in the setting .

Yet the setting is all there is.

This body

A costume

Binding his mind

and existence

As this soul,

A molecular speck of dust

In the many centers

Of the outstretched universe,

yearns for the day

At last,

when the final curtain is drawn,

Finally,

The day when i am

Liberated.

Why?

Why have I changed so much?

Referring to past photos I’ve found myself a different person.

Why have the times slip through my fingers like sand?

It feels as though I’ve been stuck in quicksand, failing to progress but instead regress.

Why, of all things in the large scale of this universe, should I worry?

Why of all the words in the world do I not know how to describe this feeling within?

Why?

Low-flying Panic Attack

Palpitations.

But everything else was silent.

Putting on that poker face,

Acting through the façade,

Smiling through the cracks.

Yet,

The darkness within engulfs you,

The vines in your heart entangle you,

The shifting shadows enwreathe you.

You can feel the accelerating rhythm within you,

Though mild,

Still starts your mind racing.

 

For What Do We Exist?

What is the meaning of life?

Why do we try so hard when, after all, we are still specks of cosmic dust?

All these end when we draw our final breath, so why

Do we live?

When after all we have created our own environment 

Discarded nature 

Outlived our purpose of survival 

Disregarded the animal instinct 

Cramped ourselves into those small office cubicles in the concrete jungle 

When on the other end of the globe, they have barely any life in them 

So,

For whom does the bell tolls?

We Never Knew

How the years have passed

Like seconds on a watch.

We never knew one day we would be out in the fields

Getting our own meat.

Married with our own families,

Watching our kids

Leave the nest to forge their path,

The cycle repeats.

Watching old Time running,

Taking me with it.